Twilight FAIL!

Oh, if only it were an epicfail. :(

So I watched the movie last night with a couple of friends, three of whom were pretty excited to see it, one who hasn't read the book but obviously knows about the beyond horrible writing, and me, the one who couldn't wait to laugh at its fail or stab herself out of agony. Let's just say that I was being quite rude and got carried away with my comments and dislike for the series.

On the other hand, the movie was just asking for me to comment and make fun of it! In all honesty, for half the movie, I thought it was a parody on the book. The script was surprisingly sarcastic, but tried to hard to be witty about it (witty, it was not.). It was funny when it wasn't trying to, and not funny when it was. The script was more like Bella's clumsiness, and spread to all the characters, 'cept the rest of the Cullen family o'course, excluding Edward. This sad, sorry attempt at humor surely captured the target audience, which will leave the Twilighters thinking that the movie was actually, and surprisingly, great. It's really too bad that they aren't able to see past the stupidity of the script and see the extent of horrible acting it caused. The script did, however, stay true to the book, keeping lines that any Twilight fan can quote, but due to bad acting and a bad script the delivery of these lines felt enormously hilarious. I found myself laughing at the script more times than I was laughing with the script and the audience.

Do we seriously have to talk about the acting? YES WE DO. Whoever says Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have amazing chemistry needs to get off the heroin Edward Cullen suggested people should take. Its a wonder how their families have not staged interventions yet. Amazing chemistry, they did not have. At times, it felt like awkward friends forcing themselves on each other. Yeah, that really is amazing chemistry, eh? Oh, and the delivery was to-die-for, no pun intended. Seriously, I did want to stab myself at times and wanted it to be over. I know these two are fantastic actors, I have seen their other work, but it's one thing to have two great actors and two good actors who have good chemistry. I'm sure they're great friends, but it's a whole different thing to translate that within their characters and make it work well enough. I'm sure the awkward behavior between the two characters is meant to be there, but I could not see the gradual transition from an extremely awkward situation to the undying relationship and love for each other they supposedly have. Oh wait, let me think about the book for a minute. Oh, yes! That's it. There is no gradual transition in the book! It's more like, "Ugh, that Edward Cullen is such an ass" to being grossly obsessed with him and practically saying, "Fuck my life, I want you NOW." As much as I want to believe that Bella considered the consequences of sacrificing her life to be with Edward and Edward seriously wanting to make her stay as a human, I'm sure they just wanted to do each other. Stephenie Meyer may have wanted to keep the theme of moral integrity and add depth to her characters, but I'm sure she just wanted to write about them doing it. For crying out loud, look at the horrible writing! She was dying to get to it, honestly. Best-selling novel, my ass. Fan-fiction this is. S.M., I want my money back. And the time and brain cells I've wasted on this.
Sorry, I went on a horrible tangent. I can't help myself. This is so fail.
I would keep going, but it's taking too much out of me.

Pluses of the film:
--Oregon is too beautiful. Honest. Every landscape shot absolutely blew my mind. I died every time.
--The Cullen house. Sweet mother of everything that is amazing. I spent so much of the first part of the film dying to see this house. It didn't disappoint. So beautiful, and that is such an understatement.
--Jasper & Alice. I would say, "Enough said," but even that doesn't cut it. I love those two so freaking much. There should be a movie about them because it'd be so much better than silly Edward & Bella.
--Why is Carlisle better-looking than Edward? Honestly, I thought Edward was the most beautiful thing ever. Bella Swan, you mother-fucking liar. But seriously though, the whole theater was in awe when he came on screen. It was hilarious. It was an "Edward Cullen, ..who?" moment.
--Charlie Swan looking like an older Rivers Cuomo. I lol-d every time he came on screen after I noticed the resemblance. I think the movie has screwed with my brain a little.
--Alice ripping James's head off. Oh yeah, EPIC.
--Seeing Hedwig's cousin in the bio lab behind RPattz/a constipated Edward Cullen. HARRY POTTER RULES! XD

I was waiting for the Harry Potter trailer to come on so I could cheer uncontrollably, but it never came on. D: Extreme sadness!
I cried when I heard the Muse song, okay maybe not literally cry, but I was forcing myself to. WHY STEPHENIE MEYER. MUSE =/= TWILIGHT. NEVER EVER. UGH. FAILFAILFAIL. I bet they were my favorite band first. Twilight fangirls better stay the fuck away from fangirling over Muse, or else I will throw the biggest fit ever. EVER. Stay away from Muse. :D Thank you.
Haha, the cars were fail. Meyer, if your gonna use extremely expensive and beautiful cars, do some research. Oh wait, don't. You'll ruin the greatest cars ever. Mercedes-Benz no longer seems like a high-end luxury car now that you've ruined them for everyone.
There wasn't enough Emmett! Boo on everyone.
I had a relatively fun time, though. Sure, I was probably really rude because I made comments occassionally, and for that I am truly sorry, but at least the movie wasn't the complete disaster I thought it would be or else I would have been extremely rude.

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE! JULY 17!